Everywhere I hear the sound of marching, charging consuuuumers. 'Cause Christmas is here and the time is right for violence in the malls boy. But what can a poor boy do except to compile a year's best music list because in sleepy Auckland town there is just no place for a street buying man. No.

Ok, I'll stop and butchering the Rolling Stones (although not nearly as badly as they have been doing on the 40 Licks tour. Snap!). I hope ya'll (I am so South in geopgraphical terms that I am reverting back to my age old speechifying patterns, yo) out there in the deep chasm of the internet (saucy talk) have a safe and satisfying holiday. 2003 was a strange year for me. Eventful and often satisfying with a job and new house on the way, but, frankly, I am glad it is coming to an end. Bad fucking year. Too much death, too many lies and it seemed way too long. And that's just my experience with the airlines. Boom! I'm here all week. I tell you one thing, in the future 2003 will be 1) the default trivial pursuit celebrity death answer and 2) the year that America abandoned the pretense of a democratic society. Unbelievable.

Before I start my new 1,000 page epic poem- Red, White and Blue: Brooding by the Light of Your Flickering Flame, I'll get back to my favorite list o' music this year. That's what you pay me for, afterall (money now accepted).

Favorite Albums-

1) Elephant -The White Stripes
You know, until Jack White beat the shit out of the singer from the Von Bondies, I was as blissful about the White Stripes place in my world as Hugh Hefner and viagra. What crossed my mind when I read about the beat-down? C-c-c-c-c-ocaine! As Lloyd Dobbler said in "Say Anything," "Dude, you must chill!" Can't deny the rock, though. They are a line in the cultural sand for me. If you don't get them, you suck.

2) Speakerboxx/The Love Below- Outkast
I actually like Big Boi's album by a kinky, braided hair over Andre 3000's, but "Hey Ya" and "Spread" are love, itself. Despite essentially making two solo records (which is usually a bad sign), they got all White Album on us and made a cd of variety (a drum and bass cover of "My Favourite Things?" Genius.), depth and excellence while sort of sounding cohesive. Now, let's hope Andre doesn't turn into Prince (circa, well, now) and Big Boi keeps adding the weird little elektro-funk wrinkles to the standard Hennessey, baby blue Caddie and mostly exposed ass-cheek portrait of Hotlanta. I have never wrote, or said "Hotlanta" before today. I apologize.

3) "Phantom Power" -Super Furry Animals
When you have songs about your dog "Golden Retriever" that parody blues lyrical idioms while chuging along and just flat out ROCKING like nothing so much as the opening riff of "Spirit in the Sky," then I am genetically predisposed to like your album. I love this band. "The Piccolo Snare" is one of the ten most beautiful songs I have ever heard, too. Who are these people? Every time out they make compelling and fun music that never gets old.

4) "How the West Was Won" - Led Zeppelin
It must have been all of the quaaludes they were using back in the dear, old '70's, but 28 minute drum solos made perfect sense for Led Zeppelin. I mean this in a good way. Look, laugh all you want at the Renaissance Faire ye-olde-maiden-of the-lily-path-just-fucked-some-guy-from-Mordor lyrics, but the greatness of Zeppelin is as incontrovertible as the Himalayas. What is revealing about this newly released live album taken from 1974 (as well as their badass DVD) is that they were as liable to mix in James Brown, obscure 50's rock-a-billy, Scott Walker/Joni Mitchell folk-angst and odd little Arabian Nights flava as the as-advertised Hammer of the Godz variety guitar-and-bang-a-flaming-gong huge-ness. Also, this cd also underscores the essential lesson of Zeppelin, courtesy of Damone from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"- this is prime fuck music. Nothing churns like The Ocean!

5) "Dear, Catastrophe Waitress" - Belle and Sebastien
The Monsters of Twee are back from Scotland and they are stretching their wings a bit this time. While they keep on keepin' on in the pleasant (but, true, man) character study soundtrack of our lives (say, "Asleep on a Sunbeam"), they also go clever in quoting Thin Lizzy on "Im a Cuckoo" and sound by turns like Madness and Elvis Costello (well, Steve Nieve) on "Wrapped up in Books." Another intresting trend is the "Pale Blue Eyes" like Velvet Undergroundisms all over the show on this album. All in all another great one from a fine group.

6) "The Black Album" -Jay-Z
This is evidetnally his retirement album (to presumably get in on the posthumous career-boost a la 2Pac) and you get the sense that Jay-Z is summing up all his major themes. What are those themes you ask? Great self-esteem, someone not to mess with, apparently from the streets, quite wealthy (what they call in these parts bling-bling), numerous skills with the mic and, lastly, some ability with the ladies. Did I leave any out? He's quite successful you know. Jay-Z works for me because he's funny and the beats are as funky as a hobo's underwear in the summertime. He talks shit and has producers which are The Shit and everything usually works out to ensure that the final product is not a piece of shit. Most of his best producers show up on this one like Timbaland and the Neptunes (the Beatles and Stones of hip-hop production at this point) as well as a funny Liscence to Ill-like turn in the booth by Rick Rubin. I don't really care how juvenille most of his lyric are when the beats are sooo great (see "Dirt Off Your Shoulder").

7) "Think Tank" Blur
Man, I didn't see this one coming. When Troubled Genius Guitarist Graham Coxon (doesn't every band except Foghat have one of these?) left the group, I figured we were in for some dodgy times on Blur front. Instead of going all Richard Ashcroft (Tasteful and Important with session slide guitar and strings), Blur turned into the Talking Heads trying to play "Sandinista" on amyl nitrate. Er, something like that. I would have ranked this odd little album higher (on the strenght of such flat-out great songs as "Ambulance," "Out of Time" and "Moroccan People's Revolutionary Bowls Club"), but they fucked up and included the lame "Crazy Beat" which was trying to get a pale Fatboy Slim imitation of Song 2 on to the charts. Bad Damon, bad! Otherwise, bravo!

8) "You Forgot it In People" -Broken Social Scene
Some bands make you want dance, some bands make you want to fuck and do drugs and some bands make you want to do all three. Broken Social Scene makes me want to do none of these things. An uncharitble person would say that Broken Social Scene makes you want to find your My Bloody Valentine cds, but I wouldn't be so mean to our Canadian friends. This one is all over the place- sometimes they sounds like MBV, other times they veer over towards the Smiths with dab of Steely Dan and then back to some postrock warblings in the Tortoise mode. This probably sounds awful to the uninitiated, but I am really fond of this one. They actually sound unique to these not-so virginal ears and they want always want another does of the Broken Social Scene, which is usually a good sign.

9) "Hearts of Oak" -Ted Leo and the Pharmicists
You know what's good? Tightly crafted and energetically performed music with truly intelligent lyrics that work as catchy songs and interesting stories. Jesus, that just about wipes out the entire field. Ted Leo is hard charging on the Brent List O' Love because he manages to do all of the above. I'll give you one example-

"The Ballad of Sin Eater."

when you run, digger, runner,
listener, thief, you carry it all with you.
today i woke up uncertain,
and you know that gives me the fits,
so i left this land of fungible convictions
because it seemed like the pits.
and when i say, "conviction" i mean it's something to abjure
and when i say "uncertain" i mean to doubt i'll not turn out a caricature.
so i set off in search of my forebears,
coz my forbearance was in need,,
but the only job i could get in dear old blighty
was working on the railway between selby and leeds.
so i took a ferry to belfast, where i had cause to think:
they wanted none of my arm-chair convictions
but nobody seemed to mind when i was putting on the drinks!
and you didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
you didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
you didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
ah, but they hate you, and they hate you 'coz you're guilty,
so...i stayed out all night in ibixa,
by way of san sebastian, where they said
'yanque, you better watch what you're saying, unless you're sayin'
it in basque or in catalan!"
so all the way east to novi-sad,
where narry a bridge was to be seen,
but mother russia, she laid her pontoons on down,
so i crossed over, if you know what i mean...
then on the road to damascus, yes,
the scales, they fell from my eyes,
and the simplest lesson i learned at the mount of olices: everybody lies.
and the french foreign legion
you know they did their best - but i never believed in t.e.
lawrence, so how the hell could i believe in beau gest?
and you didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
you didnt think they could hate you, now did you?
you didnt think they could hate you, now did you?
ah, but they hate you, and they hate you 'coz you're guilty,
so...i spent a night in kigali in a five diamond hotel,
where maybe someday, they'll do the wa-tutsi down in hutu hell.
and i fell in with a merchant marine who promised to take me home,
but when i woke up beaten and bloodied,
i couldn't tell if it was jersey or sierra leone!
and you didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
you didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
you didn't think they could have you, now did you?
ah, but they hate you, and they hate you coz you're guilty...
and the knocking in my head, just like the knocking at my door.
and maybe it was me or maybe it was my brother,
but either me or me and him went down to the bar,
where i got seven powersin me for to give me the cure,
but when seven powers failed to spin me,
i had to get me seven more.
and when i say, "me" i mean my brain.
and when i say "give me the cure" i mean to kill the pain.
and when i say "kill the pain" i meant to get the devil out.
and when i say "devil" i mean the manifestation of doubt!
and you didnt think they could hate you,
now did you you didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
you didn't think they could hate you, now did you?
ah, but they hate you, make no mistake - they hate you...


No, Ted they love you! Or, they should.

10) "North" -Elvis Costello
You know many many records could have gone here just as easily- Fountains of Wayne, The Shins, Missy Elliot, Junior Senior, Peaches, David Bowie, Broadcast, Grandaddy, Rooney and the New Pornographers all put out interesting records that are all probably more enjoyable for me to listen to than "North." This is Elvis' "In The Wee Small Hours" record that he probably always wanted to make. Unlike his album with Burt Bacharach, these songs resonate as more than genre exercises, if not on the level of Sinatra. If you want soaring melodies, swinging beats, or the pop-punk energy that Elvis is known for look elsewhere. There is a different mood he has captured here and it is roughly described as almost blue, almost black and almost hopeful at the end. It sounds whispered and fragile even in the brightest moments of optimism, but I took to it immeadiately. Autumnal? Oui. (Pretentious, moi? Oui!) This is not something you put on to get the dance floor jumping, put it that way. But that's ok. It's good to have music tp make you feel slightly miserable every now and then. Anyway, I am starting to realise that the older I get the more ridiculous it is to have the Smiths do all of that heavy lifting all by themselves. Exult in doubt and regret! Listen to this and feel slightly miserable! How's that for a recomendation?

• • • • •