I think that most people have secrets about themselves, large and small, that would surprise most of their family and friends. Secret hatreds, sexual adventures, fears, desires, what truly makes them happy...I would imagine that these categories contain the sorts of id-like things that only come out in dreams, or under the influence (pick your poison).


My inner child

Then there are the other sorts of hidden information that we carry with us that I have been thinking about a lot lately- the secret identities people have about themselves. Maybe that grumpy middle aged accountant who wears the bad sweaters who sits in the next cubicle secretly sees himself as the heir to Jackson Pollack.


Deep down, he dreams of stamp collecting


Maybe underneath the easy familiarity of middle age your mother still clings to the notion that she's an undercover assassin who will one day be called to duty by her fatherland...wait, that's just my mom! (Kidding, people, kiddin! My mom is secretly Elizabeth Taylor in International Velvet. Duh). The point is that you just never know. Which gets me to my point: my secret life? Drag queen.


Sexy.

What else can explain my intense love for Tammy Wynette's "Woman to Woman?" I challenge you to find a song that is more about d-r-a-m-a than this one.


Justified and ancient

Oh, God...it's so perfect! So much paranoia and self loathing! And it's all about the continual worry that her may-un is going to find the mythical other woman "who can do things to a man that you never dreamed a woman can do." Wow! Are those the words of a drag queen, or what?


Is this really the most appropriate wedding present? Hmm?

I also challenge you to find a more tortured body of work than Ms. Wynette's. The Wynette Challenge! It seems like every song is either about how her horrible relationships are fucking up her kids (D-I-V-O-R-C-E), or the keep-your-man-happy-or-else types of songs (Stand by Your Man) that "Woman to Woman" is the supreme example. These songs make the collected works of Nick Drake, or Elliot Smith look like campfire sing-a-longs. Through a bourbon bottle darkly, man! George Jones, what evil powers did you have over Tammy?


More percodan please

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